just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
