I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
