guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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