i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
