My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
