its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
