Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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