eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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