Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just pee around me
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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