I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
