Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
