true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
