You work out of a Hotel?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think I just sharted jello shots
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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