I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
