party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
50% drunk capacity currently
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
