pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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