I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
