I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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