Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
