All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
