I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
