Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
