her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
