Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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