Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
