if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
