The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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