Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
