I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
