I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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