There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
