just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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