my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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