walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
