my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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