I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
