We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
