Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
