Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
third nipple confirmed
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
