"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
