Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
