she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
