Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
