ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
