All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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