Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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