at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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