stop calling my apartment porn island.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
