literally had 100 drinks last night.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
