Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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