So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
