I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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