The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I can text with my tongue
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You need Xanax blowdarts
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
