dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
