why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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